As a writer, people often look to you for words, but there are times when life is so overwhelming the words just aren't there. I have started several posts and then deleted them wanting to be careful of what I said and how I said it. Then I had a conversation with my editor and she said, you know you should post that final chapter in "A Christmas Wedding." Then the light bulb came on. I don't have the words, but my characters do. For those of you who don't know, I have a romance series entitled A Divine Love Story. The characters are a group of Christians who are multi-ethnic so the conversations about race and race relations are always transparent, uncomfortable and wrapped in love. For those of you who don't understand, can't understand or refuse to understand why we say #BlackLivesMatter then hopefully this "conversation" with a group of male friends (black, white & biracial) gives a starting point for those difficult conversations to have with your fellow human beings. My advice listen to hear don't listen to rebut. Don't deflect and don't change the narrative, just listen to your fellow human beings. The blood deep in American soil is crying out for justice and change!
*If you have not read this book THERE ARE SPOILERS!!!*
Excerpt from "A Christmas Wedding"
Chapter 16: A Toxic Narrative
It was New Year’s Day. The Walker’s decided to host the gathering to
bring in the new year. They’d enjoyed Carmen’s delicious meal and then everyone
migrated to their separate corners. The
kids were upstairs playing. The women
were in the living room, while the men made their way to the patio or what was
better known as Damon’s “man cave.”
Their living room was spacious with a large black
leather sectional sofa with recliners. The ladies were sitting around with
their feet propped up. They were not paying any attention to the movie in the
background on the 65-inch TV that hung on the wall over the fireplace.
“Alright, now that the kids are gone, spill it! How
was the honeymoon?” Lucy asked Alyssa.
She blushed.
“Oh my God you guys, the people next to our suite banged on our wall and
told us to be quiet!”
They all fell out laughing.
“Now that’s how you honeymoon,” Jasmine said giving
her a high five.
Carmen shook her head. “I hope you guys left some
money for tearing up their headboard.”
The laughter continued.
“Well honey, if you weren’t already with child, I
think you would have come back with one,” Keisha added.
“That is very likely,” Alyssa admitted. “We definitely made up for lost time.”
∞∞∞
The guys were sitting around Damon’s back patio. Dylan had just finished telling them about
Veronica’s true paternity and all the shenanigans that resulted from it. Glad that he and Keisha were on the same page
now, he was in a much better place. They
had turned the information over to their new lawyer at Blake’s firm for it to
be handled that way.
“Wow,” Blake said.
“I admire men that take on the responsibility of raising one that’s not
their own. I’m sure I could do it, but
I’m glad I didn’t have to. It comes with so many complications and potential
issues.”
Damon gave a slight nod in agreement that only Blake
caught. After all, only his parents,
Blake and Jasmine knew he was not Kiamoni’s biological father.
Brett was absorbing it all and to be honest it was
adding more issues of fear of becoming a full-time father to Samantha and his unborn
baby. At the end of the day, she wasn’t
his and her real father was bad news.
It’s one thing to raise a child that acts like you because you share
DNA. It’s completely different to raise someone else’s because you have no
insight as to what the child inherited from the one they share a biological
connection to. It scared him sometimes
that he might find himself loving his own child more or even worse, showing
favoritism and he knew that could really hurt Samantha in the long run as well
as the relationship with her sibling.
Jeremy was feeling some kind of way about the
conversation. It wasn’t the actual
issue, but it was adjacent enough to trigger his emotions. He knew Dylan wasn’t to blame for the issue
at hand, but still, it sparked an irritation he had with society at large and
the narrative they have about black men and fatherhood. The scowl on his face said it all.
“Dude, what’s wrong with you?” Blake inquired.
“Nothing,” Jeremy said with frustration in his voice
as he took a sip of his drink.
Blake’s brow raised.
“Clearly you feel strongly about something,” Dylan
observed. “What is it?”
“It’s nothing,” Jeremy repeated. “Besides this isn’t
the right crowd to engage in the issue anyways.”
“What does that mean?” Brett inquired slightly
offended as it was clear he was referencing their whiteness.
At that comment, Damon clued into what Jeremy was
thinking about.
“I won’t be offended man. Express yourself,” Dylan
encouraged.
Jeremy hesitated and made quick eye contact with
Damon. He gave a slight nod that he
understood.
Breaking the awkward silence, Blake said, “Listen
that’s what we do here in this family, and I don’t use that term loosely. We are blessed to have these tough
conversations to help us all grow. Go
ahead and say what’s bothering you. It’s
probably an opportunity for us all to do better.”
Brett immediately got uncomfortable and wanted to
leave. He’d been around them for two years and absolutely adored their
makeshift family. Still, conversations
about race relations made him uncomfortable and this group never seemed to be
short on them, but he guessed it was unavoidable considering their makeup. He
just wished everyone would stop with all the drama and get along.
For their parts, Dylan and Blake had grown
comfortable in these spaces. Not only were they married to intelligent and
passionate black women, but they also had their own experiences with race
relations as well as the fact that they were raising brown children. Their love
for their children shifted their perspective as well as their love for their
wives and the day-to-day experiences they had in present-day America that
unfortunately, as of late, showed many remnants of a darker past to those of her
citizens who were black and brown.
“I feel you, bro,” Damon said. “Go ahead. I got you.”
Jeremy nodded his thanks and stood. He began to pace looking like an agitated but
graceful cat. Damon chuckled; this
brother was fire hot about the issue.
Blake raised a brow and realized this must be really
bothering him. Dylan wondered what it was about his situation that had Jeremy
triggered.
Brett was nervous.
So many times he’d wanted to join in the conversations on race relations
but remained quiet. The only other person who he felt could most likely relate
to him was Frank, but they were vastly different as was their experience in
America so again, he didn’t even see him as a true ally on the subject matter.
Jeremy began, “Let me start by first saying this.” He
stopped pacing long enough to turn and face Dylan. “I respect what you’re doing with Roni and I
love the way you love her. You’re doing a great job as her father and as your friend,
I will have your back if ol’ boy ever decides to act a fool. I mean it’s whatever really. You feel me?”
Dylan nodded.
He understood that regardless of what Jeremy was about to reveal, as his
friend, he would have his back when it came to Veronica.
“With that being said,” he continued as he began to
pace again. “There are two problematic issues here that this conversation
triggered for me. I have a serious
problem with the narrative in this country surrounding black men and fatherhood
and I’m sincerely irritated about this white savior complex that continues to
be somewhere in every storyline.”
No one interrupted as they listened to him state his
case.
“What irritates me is that this country’s original
sin was exacerbated by white men not being fathers to children they produced by
raping the black women they owned, but somehow we end up with the dead-beat dad
scarlet letter because of the stereotyping narrative they perpetuated. I know so many black men that love and take
care of their children. When I’m out
with Sophia, I always get shocked responses from white women especially. ‘Oh,
you’re such a good father.’ As if me
being capable of being a good father was some anomaly. It really pisses me off.”
“I feel you, bro,” Damon said thinking of his own
experiences. “I’ve gotten those shocked
comments too. I try my best to ignore
their ignorance.”
Blake contemplated how different his experiences was
than theirs, especially in the same neighborhoods. It was crazy.
“Now, this white savior thing,” Jeremy began. “There’s this narrative that gets told to the
masses and perpetuated through different forms of media that there always has
to be a white savior as if without a white savior we’d perish. As dope as Black Panther was a white
man still had to play a part in saving us and saving us from ourselves at that. Why can’t our stories be told without the
narrative that we need them to intervene to save us? Oh, that irritates my soul. You know Lucy and I had an argument about
Sophia believing in Santa Claus now that she’s getting older.”
“What’s wrong with Santa Claus?” Brett asked
sincerely curious.
Jeremy turned to face him. “Look I work too hard to provide for my
family and make sure they have all their needs met. So, I have a problem with letting a white man
take credit for it, I’m sorry. Teaching my brown daughter that her character,
as in being good or bad, depends on the approval of a white man.”
“Dude, it’s fiction,” Brett said sincerely not
grasping the depth of what Jeremy was saying.
“Yes, he is, and I could even make Santa Black in my
home, but the fact remains the national conversation and depiction in every
movie is that he’s white and I have a problem with it. For the record I don’t have a problem with
Santa as a person being white. I have a problem with the notion of control
that’s lorded over children by his list, especially since it’s all made
up. No offense Brett, but you don’t have
a dog in this fight. Your wife is the same as you and y’all don’t have brown
children. You have no idea what that does to a person’s psyche when they don’t
have representation or when they equate their value to only one thing as
acceptable – whiteness. It’s dangerous.”
“He’s right,” Damon said. “Tis the season too. I told Carmen the same thing man, but she was
more focused on the innocence of it and didn’t want them to miss out on certain
things in their childhood. So, our
compromise was that only one gift be from him and the rest are from us. We make it clear in our house Christmas is
about giving and we don’t manipulate our kids with that naughty or nice mess.
When they get in trouble they get punished on the spot. I don’t like holding
stuff over their heads, but that’s just me.”
Jeremy nodded his head. “That’s not a bad idea. I’ll talk to Lucy
about it. She’s the same way with the whole innocence and childhood thing.”
“Santa is a problem but depicting Jesus as a white
man is America’s biggest white savior con,” Damon said bringing the
conversation back.
“Thank you!” Jeremy shouted feeling vindicated.
Brett frowned.
“Yeah, we white folk have got to take the L on that
one. I mean how the heck did Jesus hide
in the crowd in the Middle East looking like the doe-eyed man with long silky
hair. It’s not even logical. Not to mention the description of his hair,”
Dylan said.
“Exactly,” Damon agreed. “What’s crazy is most people don’t even know other
places in the world have pictures of Him with a dark complexion and wooly
hair. Everyone needs to watch Hidden
Colors. It’s the biggest perpetration of psychological warfare against
black people and the sad part is that lie is pulling so many of us away from
the church and God’s word. The devil is busy, and people fall for the okie doke
because deep down, one side embraces their supposed superiority, while the
other side rebel against the notion they are inferior and in the process rebel
against all things they feel support the narrative. But what’s more accurate is
what is being used to support the narrative based on how it’s interpreted to manipulate. I mean they actually had a ‘slave bible’
where only the passages left were ones that instilled obedience and upheld
slavery.”
Blake watched Brett as all this information was being
passed around. He knew it wasn’t easy to
hear.
“Pope Alexander VI commissioned Leonardo Da Vinci to
paint a new picture of Jesus using his son Cesare Borgia which is the image
most take as gospel,” Jeremy said. “But
you’re right Damon, the psychological damage that it’s done to our people,
which they knew full well it would, is sickening. It saddens me that so many
people are pulling away from God’s Word because they depict it as the ‘white
man’s Bible.’”
“You know I always wondered of all the lies that
those who colonized told in history why didn’t they just take out the
description of Jesus in the Bible that so blatantly dispels their account of
what he looked like?” Blake asked.
“They couldn’t because if they could have, they would
have and that alone is the validation of the sacredness of the book in my opinion
because let’s face it, white people have been fictionalizing history to fit
their narrative for centuries and don’t even get me started on celebrating
Columbus Day,” Jeremy tisked as he took another sip of his drink.
“Here’s something that needs to be considered,” Dylan
began. “When the forefathers set out to
create this deception, they deceived everyone, black and white. Black people believed they were inferior and
white people believed they were superior. Psychological warfare was done on
both sides. Part of the reason why systematic racism is so hard to dismantle is
because white people have to accept that they were lied to as well and are not,
in fact, superior and this whole mess is not even a real thing, but a social
construct created for a power grab.
Let’s be honest for most that’s a hard pill to swallow,” Dylan added.
They all nodded.
Brett shocked himself by joining the conversation,
but he felt he needed to say something. “Okay,
I can understand that, but this conversation started based on Dylan’s
situation. I for one think it’s messed
up that you can come at him like this. At the end of the day, he stepped up to
do what was right. He didn’t see color;
he saw a child in need and did what a responsible man does. For the record, I don’t see color either and
I think if we all took color out of it and just dealt with people based on
their character as MLK asked us to then the world would be a better place,”
Brett told them.
Both Dylan and Blake dropped their heads. Brett was about to get a valuable lesson in
race relations he would never forget. They were married to black women and they
understood how dangerous that notion of not seeing color truly was. Damon took
a sip of his drink and shook his head.
Jeremy turned to look at Brett finally taking a seat.
“Alright let me break this down to you. The fact that you don’t see color tells every
black and brown person that you don’t see their plight in life. That it doesn’t
exist to you. That everything that comes with the skin they were born in, not
only doesn’t exist to you, but it doesn’t matter to you. As long as you’re blind to color, you’re
blind to the struggle of those of us of color.
It sets a dangerous precedent for injustice, low self-picture,
inferiority complexes and so much more. It’s
a copout, in my opinion. If you don’t see color, then you don’t have to take
responsibility for what you see happening day in and day out. How old is Jane Elliott’s experiment of
asking a room full of white people to stand up if they were willing to trade
places with a black person? Not one stood up because they know the truth but
like to ignore it, so they don’t have to deal with the part they play in it
that perpetuates the oppression of others.
Yes, silence is an action. Since
you brought up Martin Luther King, remember he said, ‘In the end, we will
remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.’”
Brett swallowed.
“Furthermore, you just proved my point that it’s not
a black and white thing if one has to step up and take responsibility, but the
character of the man. Hell, Samantha’s
dad is lily-white and trifling as hell and Damon as a black man stepped in to
help raise her before you showed up. He
even walked Alyssa down the aisle because the white man who fathered her never
even tried to be in her life. It’s not
about seeing color or not seeing color, it’s about seeing a need and fulfilling
it and color not being a determining factor when it comes to doing what is
right or necessary,” Jeremy said and took another sip of his drink.
Dylan chimed in, “Uh, for the record I do see
color. My mom put me up on Jane Elliott
a long time ago and I have brown children, I cannot afford to not see color. Because if I engage the world through my
white eyes only, I miss the overt and subtle tactics of racism.”
With that, he sat back and gave Jeremy back the
floor. Brett’s face was red, and they
could tell he was struggling with this conversation.
“Let me ask you this,” Damon interjected. “How many black people were you around prior
to us?”
“On a consistent or regular basis? Just
coworkers.”
“Is Ken the first person of color to enter your
family?”
“Yes.”
“So, no intimate relationships, like ours where
you’re consistently involved in their daily lives.”
Brett shook his head.
“We can never live the experience of others because
you must be in their shoes to walk their path, but we can empathize with others
and not dismiss their plight or fictionalize it because it’s not our own,”
Damon said.
“I hope you don’t feel attacked and I hope you take
what’s been said here and really think about it. At any given moment, one of our brown
children can be in your care and we need to know that you’re a tower of
strength and safety for them with whatever they may face while in your care,
even racism,” Jeremy said from the sincerest place in his heart.
Brett nodded. He
did understand that because the love he had for Samantha scared him sometimes
because it often overwhelmed him as did his need to keep her safe.
“Now, I never thought of it from that perspective.
With the kids, I truly get what you’re saying, so I know I need to work on
that. I don’t feel attacked, just
uncomfortable, but I guess just like you want me to see it from your
perspective, you also have to look at mine.
I don’t think the average white person sets out to prove white is right
when they’re out in the world doing good things, I think they see a need and
fulfill it. I think it’s jacked up when someone is truly doing something out of
the goodness of their heart, and they get attacked for it because of the
perceived motive behind it. At the end
of the day, Veronica’s life is better because Dylan is in it, not because he’s
white, but because he’s a good man and a great father to her. Now true, some may gravitate to the causes of
marginalized people to appease some level of guilt they feel but mostly people
are just trying to do and be better. For me, I taught myself not to see color
because it’s a distraction. At the end of the day, even though I grew up in a
loving house that taught respect for all people, I grew up in a white world and
with that comes the ugly things said and perpetuated about people of color.
Teaching myself not to see color was something I used to help me stay away from
attaching stigmas and stereotypes of what I’ve been taught just from existing
in my white world.”
“When we find coping mechanisms, we have to ask
ourselves some things. In this instance,
are you fixing the issues of the implicit biases created from your white world
or are you putting a Band-Aid on them?”
Jeremy asked.
Brett nodded thoughtfully then responded, “I work in
security, so I see shady behavior from all types of people. I don’t believe any
one group has the patent on being shady. Shady behavior does not have a
color. The narrative is there that white
is superior, it’s right and blah, blah, blah. I get that, but for me not seeing
color helps me not buy into that narrative because I know it’s not true,” Brett
told them.
Jeremy nodded. “I get that, I really do. If it helps you with your personal convictions,
I get why you use it. I know you’re not
racist. I know you don’t dislike people
because of their skin. We’re talking
about the larger issues in society.
Thanks for helping me see that perspective because it’s one I would have
never been able to.” Brett nodded. “We’re all out here in this world trying to
survive, I can’t begrudge you the ways you choose to navigate this crazy world,
all I’m saying is don’t just think to the situation, think through
the situation.”
Brett nodded and extended his fist to Jeremy for a
bump. Jeremy obliged.
“Alright, are all hearts and minds clear?” Damon
asked.
They laughed.
“Brett, you good?” Blake inquired.
“Yeah, for now. You all gave me something to think
about. Can we revisit this again if I have questions?”
“Absolutely,” Jeremy said.
“Honestly, I was actually hoping to talk to you guys
about something else, but Jeremy got in his feelings and threw me off,” Brett
said with a smirk.
They all fell out laughing as Jeremy threw a
balled-up napkin at Brett.
“What’s on your mind?” Dylan asked.
Brett rubbed a hand over his face before continuing.
“Uh-oh,” Damon said laughing.
“This fatherhood thing scares the bejesus out of
me. I mean I have a great example from
my father, but still, it’s a lot.
However, I can’t go to my dad with this issue and I was hoping maybe you
guys could help,” he confessed looking at Dylan. “Sometimes I wonder if I’ll treat Samantha
different from the child that does belong to me,” he said with shame coating
his voice.
Blake eyed Damon who caught it from his peripheral
vision but didn’t acknowledge it. Blake wondered if Damon would tell them of
Kiamoni’s true paternity.
“I think that’s a very fair concern,” Jeremy added
though he couldn’t give Brett any personally learned wisdom on the matter.
“Well, I can say this,” Dylan responded. “You’re going to love each kid differently
regardless of who fathered them. Each
child is unique and will create their own specific feelings from you. For instance, Veronica is the child that made
me a father and she’s a girl. Lucas is
flesh of my flesh, so yeah, it’s cool to see parts of me in him, and there’s
pride because he’s a boy, but the truth is because I’m raising Roni, there will
be parts of me in her as well. Maybe not physical attributes, but mannerisms
and character for sure. Once you let a
child into your heart as yours, they’re your own and your heart can’t
differentiate that. The differences in
the way you parent them will come from many different factors, but biology
isn’t one of them because you’re a good human being.”
Brett nodded.
“I’ll add this.
It’s important to spend time with each child individually. Let them have
their own spaces where they don’t have to share you with their siblings. I will also make this confession and y’all
gotta swear to me that it doesn’t leave this room, even to your wives. This
stays out of pillow talk,” Damon said eyeing each one. “I just think it will be beneficial for Brett
to know it.”
“Swear.”
“Swear.”
“Swear.”
Blake rounded it out with a nod just to be agreeable
even though his wife already knew.
“I’m asking that because I told Kiamoni that I
wouldn’t blast it to the world. Kiamoni
is not my daughter. Our DNA didn’t
match.” There were gasps of shock, but
Damon continued. “I know who her father
is, but he gave up his rights just like her mother did.”
“Man, that’s crazy she has curly black hair and green
eyes, so it’s easy to not look further for physical similarities,” Jeremy said.
Damon nodded.
“Whoa, so what made you take her as your own? And Carmen was okay with it?” Brett asked.
“Well we had gotten attached to her and she had no
one. Even though she wasn’t mine we knew
we had a home available for her and didn’t want to send her into the foster
system. The first day she was dropped off unannounced Carmen said she heard God
tell her to show her His love. So that’s what we did.”
“Wow.”
“Whoa.”
Blake just nodded.
“I can tell you that I love her, and I don’t see her
any different than my son. There isn’t
anything I would do for Michael that I wouldn’t do for my Kiamoni. She’s my daughter, period.”
“Thanks for sharing that man. You too, Dylan. I feel better,” Brett said sincerely grateful.
Just then the door leading to their kitchen opened.
“Hey, are you guys done with my husband?” Alyssa asked
from the doorway. They all turned in the
direction of the disturbance to their male bonding.
“Oh, our bad.
You can have him back,” Damon said laughing.
“I’m ready to take you home handsome,” she winked
flirtatiously.
Brett popped his collar. “Well fellas, I gotta go!”
They laughed.
“Dawg, it’s only been a week and you’re already
sprung,” Jeremy teased.
Blake extended his fist for a bump as Brett passed
by. “I get it, bro. Handle your business,”
he said as he chuckled.
Brett grinned and took Alyssa’s hand. She smiled and waved bye.
“Well, we won’t see him for another two weeks,” Dylan
said.
They fell out laughing.
~The End~
I'm truly praying for changed hearts and healing in our nation. God bless!
Love,
Melinda Michelle
www.melindamichell21.com
